Is It Time to Ditch the Apps?

If you’ve lost your enthusiasm for online dating, you’re not alone. In a 2023 Pew Research survey, 51% of women and 43% of men described using dating apps as a negative experience. But Maia Nikitovich ’12, M.S.W. ’15, is here to help.

A matchmaker for nearly eight years, Nikitovich carries on the legacy of a profession that has spanned generations and cultures since biblical times. In ancient Greece, the promnestria played a key role in deciding who made the perfect couple, and in the Middle Ages, Jewish communities in Eastern Europe relied on shadkhans, whose fees were often paid from the bride’s dowry.

A religion major at Smith, Nikitovich has always had a desire to help others. She worked as a clinical social worker for several years and is an accredited life coach. When a friend started working as a matchmaker, Nikitovich saw it as a unique way to be of service. “People can be overwhelmed with all the [dating app] technology,” she says. “Matchmaking provides the benefit of a human touch, like a friend and coach alongside you on what can be an emotionally difficult journey.”

After working for several matchmaking firms, Nikitovich is now with Spark Networks, a global dating corporation that owns several niche dating brands, including Silver Singles, Christian Mingle, and Jdate. Matchmaking is offered through Spark Networks’ premium services. Here, Nikitovich shares what to know about choosing a matchmaker, how the process works, and the odds of finding true love.

The basic setup
Typically, you contract matchmaking services for a certain number of dates within a certain length of time, although some companies offer unlimited matches. Also, some services match you with personalized, curated dates where your matchmaker sets you up on a date at a location of their choosing in person, whereas other services simply provide contact information. Or you might be introduced to your match via a video date and exchange contact information later if you choose. There are a lot of different options.

Getting started
First, the matchmaker will get to know you through interviews and questionnaires. Then your matchmaker searches for a match. They should already have a database of strong prospects who they’ve interviewed and determined to be credible. (Some companies will do background checks for a fee.) The matchmaker finds the best match based on what the client is looking for.

Behind the scenes
As a matchmaker, I build relationships with my clients. I talk to them in depth, and then I interview other people as potential matches. It’s a lot of texting, talking, phone calls, video calls, organizing—connecting lots of soft skills.

Finding the right fit
Clients don’t typically get to choose their own matchmaker unless they have a recommendation. If you’re going to a matchmaking company that has 20 matchmakers, they’ll typically assign you a matchmaker the management feels is the right fit according to their understanding of the client. You can expect your matchmaker to be caring, polite, and communicative, as well as someone who supports you and has a positive outlook.

Managing expectations
Even if your matchmaker can’t guarantee a loving relationship, they can guarantee that you feel supported and cared for—and that you are meeting people regularly. There are some clients who we can’t match as much as we want to, but we would be in communication with them and explain the issues. And we work with them: ‘Maybe we open these preferences?’ ‘Can we change this?’ We offer communication, support, and positivity.

Training and background
There are no set licenses or accreditations for matchmaking, and I think that’s a good thing because some of our matchmakers are so unique and interesting. I think if you standardize it, you’re going to lose the diversity of people that exists now. But many matchmakers have psychology backgrounds, and a lot of them have coaching certifications.

What it costs
Every company is different. Our lowest-priced package is $750 per month. The highest can be anywhere from $20,000 and up, depending on the services offered. Three Day Rule, a popular matchmaking service, has a $1 million package. I would say that average costs overall are between $4,000 and $8,000. The most affordable options will be for a smaller number of matches for a shorter length of time.

Warning signs
The service should offer a free initial consultation, and the matchmaker should appear to care about you as a person. They need to clearly state what they can and cannot offer, and be as clear as possible on what you can expect. I would say a push to move quickly and a lack of communication and concern about you as an individual are definite red flags.

Who it’s for
It’s for all ages. Right now, it’s most popular for people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, but that’s starting to change. Recently, we’ve seen couples in their 80s become engaged, and services for older clientele are growing.

Measuring success
No matchmaking service can guarantee a loving relationship, but we can guarantee a certain number of matches. Every company will have their own numbers, so I can’t give you exact data, but from my experience, almost every matchmaker I work with has multiple wedding engagements per year.

The real payoff
Dating can be an extra job you have to do on top of your real job. I think clients find that having support is a big benefit. You’re potentially dealing with a lot of rejection. And, depending on your past relationships, there can be a lot to unpack. It’s nice to share all this with someone. In the process, you learn about yourself and the type of relationship you really want. Every matchmaking experience is a journey in self-development.

This story appears in the winter 2026 issue of the Smith Quarterly.