Alice Ladas, self-confessed doggerel writer, received an Ed. D from Smith College in 1943. She offers this poem with apologies to Dorothy Parker & Ogden Nash.




Alice Kahn Ladas '43


A Senior Lament

Your creatinine
It is borderline
And your heart doesn’t
Beat in the proper time.
Your thyroid is low,
The veins just below
Are totally blocked.
This impedes the flow
Of blood to your lungs
And blood to your heart
In short you are rapidly
Falling apart.
If you snort this inhaler
It may stop the failure
Of breathing as deep as you need to.
If you swallow this pill
(And can still pay the bill)
You might learn what rewards it will lead to.
Yes, it takes many hours every day
To do all the things the doctors say.

Oh the joys of old age
And becoming a sage
Are not all they’re cracked up to be
So take care of your bod
And reap the reward
Of the years that remain disease free.