If your mother or father smokes (or a close friend or loved one), chances are you worry about their health and would like to see them quit. You've probably already discovered that it's not easy to get a smoker to give up their nicotine habit. If you want to try (or try again!) to help your parent or friend quit, we have some good news and helpful suggestions for you...

The good news: Studies show that 80% of smokers actually would like to quit! (Many of them have tried several times and are discouraged.) So chances are that your parent a) really does want to quit (whether or not he/she admits it), and b) has been trying to find a way to quit successfully. Also, many people who have smoked 30, 40, even 50 years can and do quit!!!

So, how can you help? First you need to really, truly empathize with the smoker. Most smokers are seriously hooked on the nicotine found in cigarettes (several studies show that nicotine is even more addictive than heroin!). Also, many people your parents' age have had their smoking habit for a very long time. Ten or 20 years of getting up every morning and having a cigarette with their first cup of coffee and the paper is tough to break. If your parent smokes a pack a day, there may be 20 different activities ("triggers") that he/she associates with smoking (after lunch, a break at work, during a stressful situation, after a meal, etc.). If a person has smoked for 20 years, 365 days a year, 20 or more cigarettes a day, that equals 146,000 times the individual has associated these activities with smoking. (And imagine if we multiplied by each puff!). These figures translate to very strong patterns to break - patterns that are reinforced by the nicotine. (Also current studies show that many of the long-time smokers who still have not quit - given the current anti-smoking climate - are the true diehards who are very seriously addicted.)

Second, you need to express your concern... in a loving, caring way that avoids the natural power play of smokers vs. non-smokers. As you know, no one likes to be told what to do (or not do), especially a long-time smoker! So your best strategy is to express your caring and concern utilizing the semantics and techniques espoused by basic assertive communication. Example: " Mom, I have a problem I'd like to discuss with you. I am very worried that if you don't quit smoking it will catch up with you and you'll get sick." The key elements are: 1) using "I" statements, ... "I have a problem," (not "you have a problem"). 2) Expressing how you feel -- your worry. 3) Avoid at all cost the "shoulds." Example, "You should quit before you get lung cancer." Saying "should" (or a similar word) is an open invitation to a power play and a no-win situation.

Third, use timing to your advantage. "Nagging" every-other-day is a bad idea. Your strategy could be to set a plan for once a month... to have the conversation, or initiate another approach... maybe flowers (with a message) one month, and a short note the next. Offer to give him or her your support, and if he or she express an interest in quitting, ask how you could best support him or her. The pharmaceutical approaches (nicotine patch, Zyban pill, etc.) now available can be a important asset for a longtime smoker trying to quit.

Fourth, hang in there! It could take six months or a year for a diehard smoker to start taking action (a year should be enough time). If you would like more information or strategies, please give Health Ed. a call (x2824).

Smokefree Home Page Why Quit? How to Be Successful at Quitting Quit Smoking Resources at Smith (Becoming a Former Smoker) Are You Facing These Rationalizations? What Actually Happens When You Smoke? Stress Management for Smokers Second Hand Smoke Strategies for Friends or Parents Who Smoke